Blog written by: Kerise Myers
This blog is a personal reflection written by me, shared alongside my work with Inclusion Support Hub
What I Didn’t Expect After Launch
I honestly thought that my website being launched would feel like a relief.Â
I thought “YES” I could finally breathe.
Instead, I felt as if something precious had been taken out of my hands before I was ready.
What hit me most though wasn’t the launch itself. It was more of what came afterwards.Â
I decided to look back properly and realised that what I had built wasn’t the same as planned.
My first reaction was that I had failed to make my entire passionate idea.
I kept the idea between my husband and I for almost 2 years.Â
And honestly, I thought I had failed this idea that I made come to life.
Truly, I thought it was not as good as I had hoped it would be.Â
But then, I realised I didn’t fail because the website seemed bad at the time.Â
I felt I failed because I didn’t slow myself down and take a detailed look beforehand.Â
My AuDHD mind works like this for me personally and why I usually have my husband support me.
But as I didn’t want to rely on him too much, there were times I worked without him in the background.
I shared my thoughts and feelings with the others who helped this happen and said how pleased.Â
However, I hadn’t yet seen what was truly missing. When I finally did, my body reacted before my brain could even catch up.
Finding a Pace That Didn’t Break Me
My reaction surprised me if I’m being honest.Â
On the surface, my feelings didn’t even make any sense to me.Â
I never had anything taken away from me. No one had done anything wrong.Â
But emotionally, I felt the times where I had to compromise something deeply personal just to get through an experience.Â
Where I smiled and coped while quietly grieving what I actually wanted.
That’s why my mind went back to the day of my wedding.Â
Although, I was never unhappy that day at all.Â
It was just another time I had let people into something I wanted to keep small, safe and protected.Â
I have always struggled with sharing my thoughts about the people and things I love the most.Â
And it’s not because I am secretive, but because my past openness has been used against me.
Being too open led to me experiencing emotional and similar abuse by people I cared dearly for.Â
When something precious exists only in my head, it is safe. Once I share it, it can be judged, reshaped, or taken.
The fear was very old. But the website woke it back up.
What Actually Helped Me Through It
I wasn’t actually upset from feeling like I was incapable. I was upset because I shared a dream before it was fully formed, and reality didn’t hold it the way I needed it to.Â
Hearing my husband tell me that “this is a stepping stone, not a dead dream”, mattered more than reassurance ever could. Being reminded that “failing only happens when you stop” and I haven’t stopped and never will!
Everything I learned from this was, I can’t always have ideas I decide to go through always go entirely to plan.Â
My ideas can’t always be “perfect” just how you see it in your mind.Â
What matters is that what I am building IS a stepping stone and NOT a dead dream.Â
My project CAN improve this onto the next phase in future and I WON’T be giving up on something I have finally found my passions for.Â
I am a big believer that things truly happen for a reason!Â
As a result, if I keep going with my work, supporting those amazing and truly talented service providers out there
I know things will begin to move forwards, improve and evolve closer to the next stepping stone.Â
